ACA BIG RED BOOK
Professional therapists and counselors can get a copy of the Big Red Book (BRB) for FREE from ACA's WSO. In an effort to carry the message around the world. ACA WSO INC. + Follow .. Go to Al Anon. and Read the Big Red Book. The hardback BRB, Big Red Book, is the same but has a red cover (what is pictured). Retyped from ACA Red Book: "Through recovery we learn to think about a relationship before entering one. This is new for us. Before finding ACA, we tended to.
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ACA Fellowship Text, Hard Cover edition, was written by anonymous ACA members providing The book is now often referred to as the "Big Red Book", or "BRB". ACA WSO also has versions of our official literature for sale in audio and E-Book formats. Please note that these are 3rd party websites and WSO has no control. aca red book. ACA Big Red Book (Main Fellowship Text). Meditation Book. Strengthening My Recovery (Daily Meditation Book). Laundry List Workbook.
Thus, we became reactors rather than actors, letting others take the initiative. We were dependent personalities who were terrified of abandonment. Willing to do almost anything not to be abandoned emotionally, we locked ourselves into insecure relationships because they duplicated our pattern with alcoholic parents.
When fear of abandonment overwhelmed us, we avoided relationships altogether. Denial, isolation, control and misplaced guilt are symptoms of the family disease of alcoholism. We became co-victims, those who took on the characteristics of the disease without necessarily ever having taken a drink.
We learned to stuff our feelings in childhood, and keep them buried in adulthood. Stricken with this spiritual illness, we felt helpless and hopeless. In our struggle to change our troubled family into a loving, supportive one, we fulfilled the alcoholic family expectations and became our own critical parent.
This is a description, not an indictment. As ACA becomes a safe place for you, you will find the freedom to express all the hurts and fears you have kept inside, and to free yourself from the shame and blame that are carryovers from the past.
You will become an adult who is imprisoned no longer by childhood reactions. You will recover the child within you, learning to accept and love yourself.
The healing begins when we risk moving out of isolation. Feelings and buried memories will return. By gradually releasing the burden of unexpressed grief, we slowly move out of the past.
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We learn to re-parent ourselves with gentleness, humor, love and respect. This process allows us to see our biological parents as the instruments of our existence. Our actual parent is a Higher Power whom some of us choose to call God. Although we had alcoholic parents, our Higher Power gave us the 12 Steps of Recovery.
This is the action and work that heals us: we use the Steps; we use the meetings; we use the telephone. We share our experience, strength and hope with each other. We learn to restructure our sick thinking one day at a time. When we release our parents from responsibility for our actions today, we become free to make healthful decisions as actors, not reactors. We progress from hurting to healing to helping. We awaken to a sense of wholeness we never knew was possible.
By attending these meetings on a regular basis, you will come to see parental alcoholism for what it is: a disease that infected you as a child and continues to affect you as an adult. You will learn to keep the focus on yourself in the here and now. You will take responsibility for your own life and supply your own parenting. You will not do this alone.
Look around you, and you will see others who know how you feel. We will love and encourage you no matter what. We ask you to accept us just as we accept you. This is a spiritual program based on action coming from LOVE.
We are sure as the love grows inside you, you will see beautiful changes in all your relationships, especially with God, yourself and your parents. I do not have to feel guilty just because someone else does not like what I do, say, think or feel.
It is okay for me to feel angry and to express it in responsible ways. I do not have to assume full responsibility for making decisions, particularly where others share responsibility for making the decision. I have the right to say "I don't understand" without feeling stupid or guilty. I have the right to say "I don't know". I have the right to say "no" without feeling guilty.
I do not have to apologize or give reasons when I say no. I have the right to ask others to do things for me. I have the right to refuse requests which others make of me. I have the right to tell others when I think they are manipulating, conning, or treating me unfairly. I have the right to refuse additional responsibilities without feeling guilty. I have the right to tell others when their behavior annoys me.
I do not have to compromise my personal integrity. I have the right to make mistakes and to be responsible for them.
I have the right to be wrong. I do not have to be liked, admired or respected by everyone for everything I do. I have the right to evaluate my own behavior, thoughts and emotions, and to take responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon myself. I have the right to offer no reasons or excuses for justifying my behavior. I have the right to decide if I am responsible for finding solutions to other people's problems. I have the right to change my mind.
I have the right to be independent of the goodwill of others before coping with them. I have the right to be illogical in making decisions I have the right to think about myself, my life and my goals and leave others to God. I have the right to leave the company of people who deliberately or inadvertently put me down, lay a guilt trip on me, manipulate or humiliate me.
That includes my alcoholic parent, my non-alcoholic parent, or any other member of my family. I have a right to a mentally healthy, sane way of existence, though it will deviate in part, or all, from my parents prescribed philosophy of life. I have the right to laugh and play and have fun. I have the right to enjoy this life, right here, right now I have the right to carve out my own place in this world. Remember, I am learning how to give to myself, and that is not bad.
I need to change old feelings of being victimized to new feelings of being able to meet challenges successfully. I don't have to take care of everyone else. I have choices about how I respond to people. Sone situations can be resolved without my being involved. Others can lend support to those who need it when I am not willing to be available. It is okay to put my own well-being first. I am important, too. I will read my Bill of Rights out loud, every day, to myself.
I will feel some of the old guilt for awhile, but it will be mixed with a new sensation I will discover that I am intuitively handling situations which used to baffle me.
Take conscious charge of your own life of everything you think, say, and do. It is not the event that is so important as your reaction to that event. You can choose your reactions. Recognize and accept your own authority to make the ultimate decision on everything you do, for it is you who profit or suffer according to the consequences of your every choice.
Be kind and gentle with yourself, and give your own basic needs TOP priority, with the understanding that your own well-being is your primary responsibility. Remember that the better you take care of your own needs, the more able and willing you are to contribute to the needs of others. Remember that you are not your actions.
Your actions are but the means that your awareness selects to satisfy your needs. Have a meaningful life objective, and conscientiously work toward its fulfillment. Do not depend on others opinions or actions for a sense of personal worth and importance. Do not procrastinate. Either generate the necessary motivation through a careful evaluation of the pros and cons, or dismiss the proposed activity from your mind. Keep in mind that you invariably do the best your current awareness and skills permit, and that you always have.
Purge yourself of any self-condemnation, shame, blame. Allow yourself the freedom to make mistakes See mistakes as areas for further growth. Let go of criticism, condemnation and resentment by realizing that everyone is doing the best his prevailing awareness permits. Accept every problem and difficulty as a challenge to your awareness, but do not demand perfection.
Do not be dependent on others for their permission, confirmation, or agreement. Refer to your own inner basic value. Do not try to prove your worth through your achievements. Remember, you have nothing to prove. Do not vacillate. Any decision is better than no decision at all. Do not drift, and do not establish arbitrary deadlines.
Do first things first, one at a time and live but a day at a time. Be deliberate and moderate in all of your actions.
If your life is not going as you like, look to your inner self for clues. Become aware that choosing is a choice and that not choosing is also a choice.
We can choose to make ain or happiness for ourselves.
Also, remember that it is not the suffering that leads to emotional illness but rather the fact that the child is forbidden by the parents to experience and articulate this suffering, the pain felt at being wounded. It is not the trauma itself that is the source of illness but the unconscious, repressed, hopeless despair over not being allowed to give expression to what one has suffered, and the fact that one is not allowed to show, and is unable to experience, feelings of rare, anger, humiliation, despair, helplessness, and sadness.
Pair over the frustration one has suffered is nothing to be ashamed of, nor is it harmful. It is a natural, human reaction. We do not depend on others to tell us who we are. We are not automatically frightened by angry people, and no longer regard personal criticism as a threat.
We do not have a compulsive need to recreate abandonment. We stop living life from the standpoint of victims and are not attracted by this trait in our important relationships.
We no longer use enabling as a way to avoid looking at our own shortcomings. We do not feel guilty when we stand up for ourselves. We avoid emotional intoxication and choose working relationships instead of constant upset. We are able to distinguish love from pity, and do not think rescuing people we pity is an act of love.
We come out of denial about our traumatic childhoods and regain the ability to feel and express our emotions.
We stop judging and condemning ourselves and discover a sense of self-worth. We grow in independence and are no longer terrified of abandonment. We have interdependent relationships with healthy people, not dependent relationships with people who are emotionally unavailable. The characteristics of alcoholism and para-alcoholism we have internalized and identified, acknowledged, and removed. We are actors, not reactors.
Aca Newcomer's Packet
We admitted we were powerless over the effects of living with alcoholism and that our lives had become unmanageable. We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could bring us clarity. We made a decision to practice self-love and to trust in a Higher Power of our understanding. We made a searching and blameless inventory of our parents because, in essence, we had become them. We admitted to our Higher Power, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our childhood abandonment.
We were entirely ready to begin the healing process with the aid of our Higher Power. We humbly asked our Higher Power to help us with our healing process. Adult Children of Alcoholics is a Twelve Step , Twelve Tradition program of women and men who grew up in alcoholic or otherwise dysfunctional homes.
We meet with each other in a mutually respectful, safe environment and acknowledge our common experiences. We take positive action.
The ACA Serenity Prayer God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know that that one is me. The ACA Laundry List These are some characteristics we seem to have in common due to being brought up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional household. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism. We either become alcoholics, marry them, or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.
We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.
We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.When you find the incident, ask yourself why you didn't get angry The only requirement for membership in ACA is a desire to recover from the effects of growing up an alcoholic or otherwise dysfunctional family. We avoid emotional intoxication and choose working relationships instead of constant upset.
I have the right to tell others when I think they are manipulating, conning, or treating me unfairly. Adult Children of Alcoholics Support shared a post. We are taught to avoid them That includes my alcoholic parent, my non-alcoholic parent, or any other member of my family.